![]() People will just walk up to you if they want to talk to you. If a guy's looking all over the place, and he's kind of looking at me, too, and then he's going to wait for me to look back at him, to see if I'm interested, then it's such a stupid game we have to play. And I'm, like, 'Well, you should have a stronger handshake, man.' You don't know how many people I meet out here who comment that I have such a strong handshake. You look people in the eye, and you talk to them. But I think on the East Coast you're bred to respect people and shake hands. There's a certain mellowness that's absent from any city back East. Getting used to those contrasts can give you a sense that you can embrace the world about you and, in doing so, embrace people from eye to eye."ĭanielle Berkley, 31, lives in Hillcrest. San Diego doesn't have that many contrasts of age, color, socioeconomic class, and, say, not even the contrast of seasonal living - living with those types of contrasts is the thing that gives you character. ![]() The lack of the ability to look into another person's eyes has a lot to do with your lack of strength, your own lack of virtue or confidence. They are accustomed to dealing with a more contrasting situation, and that gives them greater character. In Michigan, in general, you're talking about people who are socially and economically a little further down the ladder, and those types of people are more keen to look right into your eyes. In San Diego, being a tourist town, most people get to pretend that they're not going through the nitty-gritty aspects of life. "It's very different between here and Michigan. They seem reticent toward giving eye contact unless they've scanned you from somewhere far away, and they're able to pretty much size you up and determine either that you're safe, or that you're weak and she can take you, or whether there might be some interest on her part. What I see overall is a general fear, especially from the women here. "There is a very wide lack of eye contact in San Diego. Was it arrogance? Fear? Bad attitude? A different sense of manners? Or was my observation altogether wrong? Was my test group – me, and me alone - too narrow for an accurate sociology experiment? ![]() But I found the responsive moments to be few and far between. And I wasn't being too overt or assertive: I know it's not polite to stare. I wasn't even trying to be friendly, not exactly - I didn't want to smile or say hello. After a few days of this common decency, I began to sense a camaraderie with the people around me.īack here in San Diego, I tried to establish the same sort of eye contact: long enough for recognition, shorter than an invitation, wherein some fleeting form of human respect might occur. Usually, the eye contact would last for under a second, perhaps accompanied by a facial expression, often a kind of neutral half-smile with no effusive feeling. I recently returned from a trip to New York and New England, and there, even in the cities, strangers would look up for a moment and meet my eye: a momentary acknowledging, a disinterested assessment, not intimidated, without attitude, and then back to business. They actively don't look, which gives them a weirdly defiant focus, like novice actors trying not to acknowledge the audience or camera. You pass them on the street, sit across from them at a café, and it's not just that they don't look at you. ![]() Here's my theory: I've noticed this weird "no look" policy that San Diego girls and young women - and even some San Diego boys and young men - seem to have. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |